1) I only blacked out twice this week. If I black out one more time that's still less than half the week!
2) If I go to the bar I might get drunk enough to go home with someone and then I'd have somewhere to sleep tonight.
3) This is a perfect excuse for why I'm not going to show up for work tomorrow.
4) A drink will help me feel better about getting obliterated last night.
5) A drink will help me forget about getting obliterated for the last 3,650 days of my life.
6) Whiskey is my best friend (go ahead and say that out loud)
7) If I only have one drink then I'll feel better about having the next ten
8) Everyone else has failed me, but vodka always pulls through.
9) I'm a mess, poison will fix it!
10) Alcohol kills bacteria so if I drink vodka I'll never get sick